Navigating the Space Between Who You Were and Who You’re Becoming
Personal growth often means saying goodbye to old versions of yourself. Learn how to navigate these identity shifts, and the grief that inevitably comes with change, with self-compassion.
Have you ever looked at your life and thought, Who even am I now?
Maybe it hit you in the middle of a sleepless night with your newborn in your arms. Or while staring at your to-do list, realizing it no longer excites you. Or in the quiet after a big decision, wondering what your past self would think.
Change doesn’t always arrive with a warning. Sometimes, we grow so gradually, or so suddenly, that we wake up and realize we’re not the same person we once were. And that realization? It can be beautiful, terrifying, freeing, and heartbreaking. Often, all at once.
Why It’s Hard to Say Goodbye to a Former Self
Even when growth or change is objectively “good,” it still comes with a loss of some sort.
There’s grief in letting go of:
The version of you who had different dreams or expectations of life
An identity that has shifted due to life circumstances, growth, or change
A lifestyle that doesn’t fit anymore
Roles you no longer play
Think of a new parent, for instance. Alongside the joy of meeting your baby, there may be a quiet grief for the spontaneous, independent version of you that came before. That grief doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful, it means you’re human experiencing a range of complex emotions.
The Complexity of Growing and Changing
When we evolve, we often expect it to feel like a clean, upward path. It’s certainly marketed to us in that way. But in reality, growth is full of contradiction.
You might feel:
Excitement AND uncertainty
Pride AND guilt
Gratitude AND grief
Love for where you are AND longing for what used to be
All of these emotions can coexist. You’re not doing it wrong if it feels messy.
Radical Acceptance: The Practice of Meeting Yourself Where You Are
Radical acceptance doesn’t mean you like everything about the new version of you or your life, rather it means you acknowledge it, without resistance or judgment.
It can sound like:
“This is where I am right now.”
“I didn’t expect this version of me, but I’m open to learning who she is.”
“I can hold space for grief and hope at the same time.”
This kind of acceptance allows us to work on embracing the new, rather than staying stuck in the discomfort or loop of wishing things were different.
What If the New You Doesn’t Like the Life the Old You Created?
This can be one of the hardest realizations. Maybe you spent years building a life that once felt aligned only to grow into someone with different needs, desires, or values.
You might find yourself questioning:
Your career path
Your relationships
How you spend your time
What success and fulfillment mean to you now
And that’s okay. You’re allowed to change your mind. You’re allowed to evolve beyond past decisions despite how much time you may have invested. You’re allowed to say: That made sense for who I was. But I’ve changed.
It takes courage to rewrite the script, but you’re not starting over, you’re starting from experience.
When Growth Changes Your Relationships
As you meet new versions of yourself, your relationships may shift, too. Some will deepen. Others may feel misaligned. You might outgrow dynamics that once felt safe, or find yourself craving deeper connection, boundaries, or new community.
It’s painful to realize some people were meant for a chapter and not the whole story. But there’s also beauty in the people who grow with you, and in the new relationships that emerge when you allow yourself to show up more fully as your authentic self.
Meeting Yourself with Compassion
Growth asks us to meet ourselves again and again with curiosity, not criticism.
Here’s how to start:
Check in with your values. What matters to you now? Let that guide your next steps.
Work to allow grief without guilt. Missing parts of your past self doesn’t mean you’re failing in the present.
Celebrate your evolution. Even the quiet shifts. Even the messy middle.
Give yourself permission. To change. To begin again. To want more.
At The Therapy Group, we help people reconnect with themselves through every stage of life - whether you’re in the thick of postpartum identity shifts, navigating career changes, wanting something different out of your relationships, or simply trying to make sense of who you’re becoming.
Ready to meet the next version of you with compassion?
For more on this topic, check out the ShrinkChicks Podcast episode: Meeting New Versions of Ourselves hosted by our co-owners.