Uncertainty is a part of life, but that doesn’t make it easy. Learn how to manage the discomfort of not knowing and build resilience when the future feels unclear.

When the Unknown Feels Unbearable

You’re waiting for news. You’re not sure what the right decision is. You’re wondering if things will work out, or fall apart.

Your brain is trying to predict, plan, and protect you from every possible outcome… but the truth is, you just don’t know yet.

That in-between place, where the outcome isn’t decided and the next step isn’t obvious, can feel deeply uncomfortable. And for many of us, uncertainty doesn’t just feel unsettling… it feels unsafe.

Why We Struggle With Uncertainty

Let’s be real: most of us were never taught how to sit with the unknown. We were taught to fix, predict, and control.

So when something feels uncertain, your nervous system might interpret that as danger. Even if you’re not actually unsafe. Your body goes into high alert, trying to prevent pain before it happens.

Here’s what that can look like:

Overthinking and obsessively planning
Playing out worst-case scenarios in your head
Seeking constant reassurance
Avoiding decisions out of fear of getting it “wrong”
Feeling paralyzed, frozen, or emotionally overwhelmed

Sound familiar? This is your mind trying to create certainty where there isn’t any.

The Truth: Uncertainty Is Not the Enemy

It might sound counterintuitive, but uncertainty doesn’t have to be a threat. It’s simply a part of life.

Yes, it can be uncomfortable. But it can also mean:

Something is still unfolding
You’re in a season of growth, about to meet a new version of yourself
Possibility still exists
The outcome hasn’t been written yet

Learning to tolerate uncertainty is not about loving it but rather about living through it without letting it takeover.

Building Distress Tolerance: Getting Through the Hard Moments

When the discomfort of uncertainty feels overwhelming, it’s easy to spiral. That’s where distress tolerance comes in.

Distress tolerance skills, many of which come from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), are all about helping you get through the moment without making things worse. In the short term, they’re powerful tools for emotional survival.

Here are a few DBT based skills to keep in your emotional toolbox:

TIP Skills (for calming your body fast)

These work with your nervous system to help you regulate in the moment:

Temperature: Splash cold water on your face or hold an ice pack to activate your dive reflex
Intense exercise: Do jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk, or shake it out for 30 seconds
Paced breathing: Try 4-7-8 breathing or box breathing to slow your heart rate

Self-Soothe Using the Five Senses

Create a calming environment using:

Sight – Light a candle, look at calming nature videos, or tidy a space
Sound – Put on a favorite playlist or a calming soundscape
Touch – Wrap yourself in a cozy blanket or use a weighted pillow
Taste – Sip something warm, like tea or soup
Smell – Use essential oils, bake something, or enjoy a favorite scent

Distraction with Purpose (ACCEPTS)

When you can’t solve the problem but still need relief:

Activities (read, draw, organize a drawer)
Contributing (help a friend, send a kind message)
Comparisons (remind yourself of other challenges you’ve gotten through)
Emotions (watch a funny show, listen to uplifting music)
Pushing away (set a mental boundary for now)
Thoughts (count backward from 100, recite lyrics or affirmations)
Sensations (hold something cold, go for a walk, change your environment)

These tools don’t make the uncertainty disappear, but they help you stay afloat when the waves feel big.

Distress tolerance doesn’t have to mean you’re okay with what’s happening. It can mean you’re tolerating discomfort and sitting with the uncertainty as opposed to fighting against it.

More Coping Strategies to Ground Yourself in the Unknown

So what can you actually do when you're stuck in that uncomfortable middle place?

1. Name What’s Happening

Sometimes simply saying, “This is uncertainty, and it’s hard,” can bring a sense of grounding. You don’t have to like it. You just have to acknowledge it.

2. Focus on What’s In Your Control

You can’t control the outcome, but you can control:

Your routines
How you care for yourself
The boundaries you set
Who you let support you

Uncertainty often makes us feel powerless. Reclaiming agency in small ways can help.

3. Practice “Good Enough” Thinking

Not every decision needs to be perfect. Ask yourself: What would be a good enough next step? Not necessarily the “right” one, just the next one?

4. Create Comfort in the Present

While your mind is spinning about the future, bring yourself back to now.

Go for a walk
Make your favorite meal or order your favorite dish
Light a candle or take a warm shower
Text a trusted friend or loved one and say “I’m struggling right now”

Self-soothing doesn’t fix uncertainty, but it reminds you that you can survive it.

5. Watch the “Prediction Trap”

Trying to guess the future won’t actually protect you from pain, but it may make you go through that pain more times than necessary. Gently remind yourself: Worrying won’t change the outcome. But it may steal my peace in the meantime.

What If We Made Space for the Unknown?

Here’s the paradox: the more we try to eliminate uncertainty, the more anxious we feel. But when we allow it, when we make space for it, we start to build resilience. Uncertainty is a fact of life. So is your capacity to navigate it. At The Therapy Group, we support clients in building distress tolerance, developing self-trust, and learning how to feel safe even when the future isn’t clear.

You Can Handle This (Even If It Doesn’t Feel Like It Right Now)

The truth is, you’ve already lived through uncertainty before. You’ve made it through days, decisions, and seasons when you weren’t sure what would happen next. You can do it again.

We’re here with support, with compassion, and with tools that make it a little more bearable. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the unknown, schedule your free 15-minute consultation with The Therapy Group today.

You don’t have to figure it all right now. You just have to take the next step.

How to Cope With The Uncertainty of Life