What is discernment counseling?
If you or your spouse are considering divorce but not completely sure about it, you are not alone. Research shows that many couples have conflicted feelings about divorce (divorce ambivalence), sometimes even after they have filed for divorce. If you are in this boat, Discernment Counseling is designed for you.
Discernment Counseling helps couples where one person is leaning out of the relationship (considering divorce and feeling tepid, at best, about couple therapy) and the other is leaning in (interested in rebuilding the marriage, which often includes a desire to engage in couple therapy). Mixed agenda couples of this nature are not good candidates for couple therapy and often have tried therapy in the past to no avail.
Discernment Counseling for Mixed Agenda Couples
are you leaning in or leaning out?
Whether you’re leaning in (hoping to repair) or leaning out (considering divorce), Discernment Counseling helps you slow down, understand what happened, and get clear on next steps.
For the Leaning-In Spouse
If your spouse has put divorce on the table, your world may feel flipped upside down—fear, sadness, anger, and urgency can all show up at once. In Discernment Counseling, we’ll honor how much you want to save your marriage and help you bring your best self to a moment that can easily spiral. You can’t force your spouse to choose repair, but you can invite a process that slows things down—not to “fix everything” right now, but to see whether the relationship is repairable and what a wise next step looks like.
For the Leaning-Out Spouse
If you’re the one leaning out, you may feel deeply unhappy, emotionally checked out, or unsure you can keep doing this—while still not fully certain divorce is the right next step. Discernment Counseling isn’t about pressuring you to stay; it’s a structured, respectful space to slow things down and speak honestly about what led you here, including your part in the pattern. Whatever you decide—repair, divorce, or pause—you can move forward with more clarity, integrity, and less regret.
What to Expect in Discernment Counseling
Session Format
In Discernment Counseling, there is a maximum of five counseling sessions. Each session is two hours long. You will come in as a couple, but the most important work occurs in the one-to-one conversations with the counselor. Why? Because you are starting out in different places. You will each be treated with compassion and respect no matter how you are feeling about your marriage at the moment. The counselor will emphasize the importance of each partner seeing their own contributions to the problems and the possible solutions. This will be useful in future relationships even if this one ends. The goal is to gain clarity and confidence about a direction for your marriage, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future.
Required Individual Screening Calls (Up to 30 Minutes Each)
Before scheduling your first Discernment Counseling session, each spouse will complete a brief screening call individually (up to 30 minutes). These private calls help ensure Discernment Counseling is an appropriate fit and allow the counselor to understand each partner’s perspective and concerns.
Each partner must schedule their own screening call separately. Once both calls are completed, we’ll recommend next steps and help you schedule your first session together. (At this time, screening calls are offered at no cost.)
Decide what comes next, together.
The goal of Discernment Counseling is not to solve your marital problems,
but to see if they are solvable.
Solving marital problems is the goal of couple therapy. Discernment Counseling, instead, is a chance to slow down, gain a deeper understanding about what happened to your relationship, and consider your options moving forward. In other words, it is designed to help you discern whether to try to restore your marriage to health via couple therapy, to move towards divorce, or to maintain the status quo for the present (no divorce and no therapy).
Have Questions About Discernment Counseling?
-
A maximum of five (5), two-hour counseling sessions, each session costing $350
-
Discernment Counseling is not suited for these situations:
When one spouse has already made a final decision to divorce
When one spouse is coercing the other to participate
When there is danger of domestic violence
-
Couples therapy focuses on fixing relationship problems; Discernment Counseling focuses on deciding whether the relationship problems are solvable and whether to commit to repair work.
-
Yes, we currently offer Discernment Counseling in Rittenhouse Square, Philadelphia
Let’s talk it through.
Discernment Counseling is made for this painful in-between - when you’re torn between divorce and trying again - and you don’t want to carry it alone. We’re here to offer a steady, compassionate process where you can ask questions, feel heard, and get clearer about what comes next.
We’re here with you, every step of the way.
