Dating with Depth: A Therapist’s Lessons from Love Is Blind
There’s something so intriguing about watching people fall in love without ever seeing each other. Watching Love Is Blind (Netflix) had me thinking about how Philly’s dating culture values authenticity, but also how hard that can be when we’re carrying old wounds. As a couples and family therapist based in the Philadelphia area, I often see how vulnerability, communication, and forgiveness play out not only on reality TV but in real relationships every day. The show might amplify these dynamics, but the emotions behind them are universal.
Whether you’re dating, engaged, or married, there’s so much to reflect on about how we show up in love.
Here are a few things people could explore before entering a relationship, reality TV or not.
1. Childhood trauma and early experiences
In the latest USA season (season 9), a contestant shared that her partner opened up about his deep childhood wounds within 10 minutes of their first date in the pods. It showed how quickly people can open up when they feel seen and safe, something we all long for.
In my work with couples and individuals, I notice how early experiences shape how we connect, trust, and communicate. Healing past wounds doesn’t just prepare you for love, it helps you feel secure enough to be authentic when love shows up.
Questions to think about when dating:
How does your childhood experiences impact you now?
Do you shut down, withdraw or do you seek to connect?
2. Values and long term goals
In the pods, values can seem to align, but once real life steps in, family opinions, finances, social media, or past relationships; misalignment becomes clearer.
Couples often discuss their careers, spending habits, and lifestyle choices, only to realize later that their values don’t always match. These same patterns show up in couples therapy, where couples realize they’ve never actually talked about what “stability” means to each of them.
Questions to think about when dating:
What values are important to you?
What does stability and consistency mean to you in a relationship?
If you want to start a family, what are some values you hope to teach your children?
3. Openness to forgive
Forgiveness is one of the hardest yet most freeing parts of love. On Love Is Blind, we often see contestants struggling to let go after being hurt publicly. It raises important questions:
What does it mean to hold pain and still stay open to love?
How can you rebuild trust after heartbreak?
In sessions with clients, I often help people explore forgiveness, whether it’s forgiving a partner, a parent, or even themselves. Healing requires both reflection and compassion, and that process can open the door to more genuine connection.
Questions to think about when dating:
How does past hurt impact how you show up in relationships now?
What does compassion mean for yourself and your partner?
What’s your apology language? What’s the best way for someone to apologize to you and are you willing to apologize to others?
4. How you handle conflict
We weren’t all taught healthy communication growing up. Many people operate from one of four communication styles; aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive, or assertive. On the show, we tend to see how people’s communication styles play out when they meet their partner and the other cast members in person. There are usually some awkward moments or disagreements that take place for multiple reasons throughout.
Becoming aware of how you communicate during conflict or frustration can change the course of a relationship. Couples therapy can help partners identify how they learn to handle disagreements and what it looks like to repair rather than react.
Questions to think about when dating:
What did conflict look like in your family growing up and now?
How do you handle conflict with others?
Learn more about conflict languages here
5. Triggers and self-soothing
Many contestants, like many of us, are unaware of our emotional triggers until someone activates them. When this happens, it can feel like love turns into survival mode. Being able to recognize when you’re triggered and knowing how to self-soothe can make or break a relationship. It’s important to develop emotional awareness, along with tools to pause and regulate.
Questions to think about when dating:
What are your triggers?
What support do you need when you’re triggered?
How do you communicate your needs in these moments?
6. Cultural differences and understanding
Love Is Blind has shown beautiful examples of cross-cultural relationships, and also moments of misunderstanding. Love across cultures requires curiosity, patience, and humility.
I’ve seen how cultural identity can strengthen or strain a relationship depending on how it’s explored. Learning about your partner’s background can help you be more connected and open to other experiences.
Questions to think about when dating:
What cultural norms exist in your family?
Are you/your family open to accepting or embracing other cultures?
7. Lifestyle and expectations
In several recent seasons, we’ve seen contestants navigate blended family life with children or differing lifestyles. Even when partners express openness to parenting or certain routines in the pods, reality often feels different once they leave. Many couples discover that parenting, career balance, and lifestyle preferences can shift their sense of connection. At times, one partner seems to fall in love with who the person is outside of parent mode, not fully realizing what it means to love and support the version of them who’s raising a child.
Questions to think about when dating:
What are your realistic expectations when in a relationship?
Are there parts of your lifestyle that might look different when you get into a relationship?
How do you balance togetherness and individuality?
8. Reflection: Is love truly blind?
When couples got to the alter, some said “I do,” while others chose to walk away. The reasons varied from incompatibility, fear, readiness, to the need for more time. It’s a reminder that relationships are complex and layered.
Overall, some important questions to reflect on include:
How do you anticipate life changing after marriage or getting into a relationship?
What does intimacy mean to you?
How have past emotional, physical, spiritual or financial trauma shaped the way you love?
What helps you stay hopeful and open after pain?
Final thoughts
It’s beautiful seeing some couples that are still together, even years after being on the show. Maybe love isn’t completely blind. Maybe it’s about learning to see yourself and your partner more clearly. Before stepping into love, or a relationship reality TV show, take time to process your own patterns, triggers, and needs.
Ready to learn more about understanding yourself and your relationship? Therapy can be a great place to start. Schedule your free 15 minute consultation with The Therapy Group today.